With dominion over your attention, you experience the true meaning of freedom which is more than merely experiencing a release from the thought form habits of worry, doubt, fear, dis-ease, discomfort and disharmony. Authentic dominion over your consciousness is the ability to freely express, in your own way, the deep, mystical chords of spiritual realization and divine creativity. From dominion, you move into the space of full-on living that characterizes the habits practiced in the lives of highly evolved people.”

Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith.

That my friends is the meditative thought of the week. Why am I mentioning it? Because today I lived streamed service, not sure if I’ve mentioned it before but I’m a member of the Agape Spiritual Community. The Rev is both the founder and our main Reverend (you know what I mean). I was not going to stream in; actually, I had forgotten about it. But as I was scrolling down Facebook I saw their post reminding us of service tonight; since, I had one of those days I decided I needed some Agape.

I did feel a bit weird because I was drinking a glass of wine (my second one actually), but then I reminded myself that JC (Jesus Christ) would be cool with it. I mean, he did turn water into wine, right? He gets it! I’m good!

What type of day did I have? The type that makes you realize that you are not 100% in love with your job anymore. The type of day that makes you kick yourself for being so good at what you. Why? Because that means people trust you; thus, they give you more work. It was just one of those days that every email that came my way was a new task. I took it all in, my only thought was: “I hope they realize how many cookie jars they want my hand in!”

Where is the wine?
Nina Simone

Were the two things that popped into my mind as soon as I walked in to my house.

I know, Nina Simone? But for some reason that’s what I wanted to listen to. She was going to be a part of tonight’s soundtrack.

Oh but it got better, as I was preparing my dinner, I stopped to take a sip of my wine, when I happened to take a quick glimpse outside my patio. My “sip” turned into a gulp as I saw a guy get off his bike, get his things together and prepare his bike to be mounted on to his hybrid. At that very moment I could feel and see myself screaming at the top of the lungs like a crazy lady: “Yea, okay we get it! You care about the environment, you ride a bike and own a hybrid…oh don’t mind me (I envisioned myself holding my glass, toasting it up into the air), I’m just upset because my Hummer is still in the shop!” WTF? I have no idea where that even came from, I loathe Hummers and the D-bags that drive them. What did the poor guy have to do with my day? I seriously do suck. It wasn’t the wine talking, it was the frustration talking.

As I read the above reading I realized, I’m not ‘highly evolved’. I’m far from it. I let my wine breathe before I gulp it down, that proves I’m evolved, but not highly. I still have a long way to go. I still get easily frustrated. I hate that about me.

Here’s why: When I do something, I go all in, I give you 110% of myself. My work always surpasses any expectations you might have. I’m not being cocky, that’s just the way I am. I have no problem in going the extra mile to get a job done; as a matter of fact, I will work extra harder to make sure things are done on the time expected. So when I’m thrown all these new projects or responsibilities at the same time, it catches me off guard. It’s not because I’m not flexible, but it’s because I don’t like to do something half assed! I want to give you the best work possible, but if I have to work on four different projects at the same time, that might just not be possible.

I know that’s my ego talking, but that’s how I am.

I’m not a brown-noser, I’ve never been, never will be. I am a hard worker, I let my work speak for itself. I like to go somewhere and just blow people’s mind away, not by being the one that everyone likes, but by being the one that everyone can count on. I’ve always taken my jobs seriously, as per my mom too seriously. Every time I start a new job, she always reminds me it’s not my company, so I shouldn’t work so hard for it. But I can’t, it’s a part of me. She and my uncle taught me that hard work is the only way you get ahead and life; so far, that’s what has happened. I’ve moved up in every single office job I’ve had, with the exception of Greenlight (that place just sucked). I’ve started at certain companies as either a receptionist or office assistant and before I knew it because of my hard work and dedication I was promoted to supervisor or manager. I’m no joke, I’m the employee you want working for you. I’m not being cocky, I’m being honest.

Which is why I have such a hard time when I get hit from all sides with different assignments. Why? Because I know people expect the best from me, why else would they keep piling on the work? For example: I found out that one of my current bosses, really trust me with work assignments, apparently the person that had my position before didn’t do all that I do. I don’t know this person, I don’t know if she was capable or what her deal was, so I’m not going to talk crap. But that says something, doesn’t it?

I guess I’m also just frustrated because I promised myself that I would slow down a bit. With all these projects and deadlines, I really don’t see that happening. I have three big projects to work on: Spring round of capacity building grants, our national giving event on May 6, and a two day summit in May. Yup, who knows what other responsibilities my new boss is going to have for me, along with whoever will start in February. I just want to make sure I do and give the best of me in every assignment that I complete, anything other than that is not acceptable. I know I’m a bit hard on myself, but those are my work ethics.

I’ll survive, just having a moment.

Okay, another thing that pissed me off today: Came across a special for an Elliptical, it was 75% off the regular price, it seemed like a good deal not to pass up, but I had to. See me buying something like that, and plugging it up in my apartment would mean that I would blow out a breaker, circuit or whatever those things are called, for the entire upstairs area. I’m not even kidding about this. If I were to decide to microwave some popcorn, all the while having my space heater on, and let’s say my neighbor decides she wants to blow dry her hair, so she plugs up her hair dryer-LIGHTS OUT! No joke, it’s happened before. It also happened when my previous neighbor decided to turn on his space heater when I had mine on too-LIGHTS OUT! This is why I don’t turn on a space heater in my home, only an electric blanket, all the while hoping that I don’t get the munchies for microwave popcorn late at night.

I know this is lame, but it upset me that I had to think about this. I don’t think people worry about leaving their neighbors in the dark when deciding to purchase an exercise machine. But it’s me, we’ve already established that I’m a bit “special,” as in anything you think could not happen to a normal human being will usually happen to me. I’m the Latina Bridget Jones-paging my Marc Darcy! Stat!

There I vented, feeling better now. Thank you for listening. You rock

Enjoying my Chamomile tea now, no more wine.

I know it’s only January 7th, but I seriously wish it was January 2015. Why? Simple, this is what I see:

Me wearing red (fierce as always), cocktail in one hand, holding my love’s hand in the other, saying: “God what a year! 2014 was an awesome year, I traveled to Central America and Europe, got in to grad school, met the love of my life (we both turn to each other and grin thinking of the amazing sex we’ve had the previous year and most likely that morning), and yea I know this year is going to be even better!”

That my dear friends is my projection for this year, traveling, love, and yummy sex!

Fine, as long as you promise to do them again!

Oh, yea, slip in grad school in between the traveling and the sex.

I’m tired of sounding pathetic, I want to sound prophetic.

Thus, this is what I see for my life.

I have my moments of weakness; hence, the need for wine and the poor hipster almost getting yelled at just for being green. But I’m sincerely grateful for all that I have. I have some of the things that I’ve always wanted: my own place, a career, a boot-less foot, and health. The other things I see for myself are on their way, I just needed time to prepare for my blessings.

Today I came across this quote from Eduardo Verastegui:

Llore y llore porque no tenia zapatos, hasta que vi un hombre que no tenia pies y era muy Feliz! Demos gracias a Dios en todo momento.

Translation (Darlings you must really learn Spanish, this is going to always be a thing in our relationship): “I cried and cried because I didn’t have any shoes, but then I saw an extremely happy man that had no feet! Let’s be grateful to God in every moment.” It really hit home, because we always seem to bitch about things, forgetting that many have it worse, but yet see the silver lining in their situations.

That my friends is something I’m working on. I know I failed miserably today, but I’m human. I snapped out; furthermore, you all were so kind to listen to me vent that I’m feeling so much better now. Seriously, you rock!