September

You guys it’s September!
Like oh my God, Christmas is almost here!

What?
At this point in our relationship, you should know how much of a Christmas Freak I am.
But fine, we will get excited about…Halloween!
I have a kiddo now, it’s exciting again. So, I’ll give you that one.
He’s seriously already knocking on our bedroom doors practicing his “trick-or-treat!”
I can’t wait to raid his loot and get my mami-toll for the night. Chocolate-that is my mami toll.

September marks the beginning of many things.
Fall officially starts on the 23rd; although, in California we never have an official start date. Especially in Southern California, it’s 80 degrees in December. Big buzzkill for Christmas movie binging.
With Fall, my hipster and weirdo friends rejoice, as it is officially “pumpkin spice” season!
“No, Carol I don’t want a pumpkin spice latte!”
For those still following the NFL, its Football season!
For the hardcore fans, it also means the start of Fantasy Football. I never got it. Not interested to learn.
“No, Carol I do not want a pumpkin muffin with cream cheese icing*.”

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For many it marks the official start of back to school. PTA meetings, back to school nights, and all the good things that I will now officially partake in as a new member of the school district.

WAIT! ?What if there is a REAL-life Carol in the school PTA who makes me sell pumpkin spice crap out of a catalogue to raise funds for fieldtrips or a new hand ball (do they still play handball?) for the playground? I so jinxed myself, I’m so screwed.
Ha, wait. Nope. Preschool only. No PTA…yet.
Crisis averted.

Anyways, September officially marks a year that I decided to make the move back home.
It has officially been a year, since, I left the place I had lived in for 8 years. It was not home, for some reason it was never home for me. I wasn’t home sick or anything, but describing it as the place I lived in or at makes sense, a lot more sense than calling it home when it really wasn’t. I loved it, I didn’t hate it, but home? Nope, can’t picture it. Home is so much more than just the place you live in. Again, I loved my apartment. I so loved it. It was perfect for me, I made it my own. Even the place I moved into after my mamasita pad became a mami and me pad. But home it was not.

Home is where the heart is and my heart was not there, it was here. Where I’m at now. Please do not misinterpret this, I obviously, loved it there. I mean, much so to stay there way after I finished undergrad.
But my Soul, needed to come home. I needed to come home. The time was right, it wasn’t easy, but it was what I needed to do.

So many things have happened.
So many changes have occurred.
So many lessons learned.
So many blessings.
So many tears.
So many moments of self-doubt.
So many moments of re-assurance.
So many laughs.
So many deep breaths.
So much worry.
So many headaches.
So much heartache.
So much ego.
So much letting go.
So much wanderlust.
So much prayer.
So many attempts to quiet a busy mind.
So many moments of stillness and contemplation.
So many affirmations.
So many requests.
So many signs and confirmations.
So many cover letters & resumes sent.
So many rejection emails received.
So many words written.
So many dreams dreamed.
So many pounds lost.
So many pounds gained.
So much wine enjoyed.
So much delicious food craved and savored.
So many hugs received and given.
So many words of wisdom received, read, and said.
So much life has been lived.
So much self-discovery has been made.
So many shifts have occurred,
In what seems, like such a small amount of time.

This has all happened in a year! 365 days. In 365 days, I’ve been able to become self-employed. Tapped into my skillset and enjoy every minute of it.
I’ve been able to take my family on vacation.
My son has started school, is blooming and thriving. Every day that goes by, he learns something new and confirms that I made the right decision.
A big shift has taken place, internally. I’m still trying to figure it out, but I know I’m not the same. As I shared in my “Experiencing Life vs. Living Live” post something happened since my birthday. I’m not the same. My insecurities are no longer taking up residency at château Móni.
I’m writing, thank you for reading! I’ve even decided to take classes to get better at it.

I’ve started letting go of negative behaviors (still in process), relationships, and just learning the process of letting go.
Clearing out the old stagnant energy, to make room for the new reinvigorated energy.

You guys, let’s take a moment here. I’m no Marie Kondo, I haven’t read her books or even seen her show on Netflix. I’m keeping it simple. I’m starting small. I’ve cleaned out my closets, desk, my inbox, and my room. It’s amazing to clean something out and then just stand there, feeling the openness and the new vibration that immediately kicks in.
I feel the need to warn you, though. This feels so good that it can be become addicting. You might actually start to get rid of those that bring you negative energy. Yup, I’m talking about moving from objects to people. Then you might realize that your behavior is negative, and then…you guys we might start a revolution with all of this great new energy. Just saying.

Back to our topic, in a year I’ve been able to take a deeper dive with some friendships. I’ve also, been able to realize that some friendships were never that deep to begin with.
In a year, I’ve been able to realize that being comfortable in your own skin has nothing to do with the numbers on a scale.
In a year, I’ve realized that waiting for the right time is in reality a waste of time . The time is right now, live it, enjoy it, embrace it.
In a year, I’ve learned that I really do love Churros! The real ones made by a Mexican using what looks like a chorizo machine to make them, not the frozen ones.
In a year, I’ve learned that life is best lived with laughs and amusement.
In a year, I’ve learned that self-pity and self-loathing does not look good on anyone, especially not on me!
In a year, I’ve learned that creating boundaries is important in anything that you do.

In a year, I’ve learned that I love growing my own food and have become addicted to the healing energy that comes from working in your garden, elbow deep in dirt.
In a year, I’ve learned that I’m interested in pursuing a PhD. I’ve also come to realize that I wouldn’t mind teaching at college level.

In a year, I’ve learned that fear can beat the crap out of you and just leave you for dead, under a non-existent rock with non-existent scenarios where everything goes wrong running through your head.
In a year, I’ve learned that being fearful is okay. As long, as you don’t let it control and freeze you into inaction. Acknowledge that you have it, declare it as such, put it on shelve, keep going and kick ass.
In a year, I realized that I was trying to build relationships with the wrong people. I’m talking about all forms of relationships here folks: romantic, friendships, professional, even with family. If you find yourself doing all the work in a relationship, sit back for a bit, wait on the other person to take some initiative and reach out. Does the other person even notice your absence? Do they start reaching out? If it’s a no, then “let it go Elsa!” You will have less stress and more time to spend on your self-care or with people that really do care.
In a year, I learned that self-care is essential. I learned that my spiritual practice is a vital part of my self-care practice.

In a year, I’ve learned that I’m much stronger than I ever gave myself credit for.
In a year, I’ve learned that accepting and being grateful for one’s blessings is a daily practice.
In a year, I’ve learned that gratitude and inspiration look good on me.

In a year, I’ve learned that crying and laughter are good for the soul.
In a year, I’ve learned that celebrating your and others life achievements is a great way to show the Universe your appreciation while showcasing a roadmap for those that are still uncertain of what steps to take.
In a year, I’ve learned that supporting your friends and family means paying full price. As it also means, they will pay full price for your skillset and talent.

But most importantly, in a year, I’ve learned that there’s so much more for me to learn, live, give, receive, dream, experience, feel and love.
Así es que, a vivir, reír, y amar se ha dicho!

*No Carol’s where hurt during this post. No Carol’s were shunned or shoved for trying to “share” their love of everything spice. We love you Carol, just leave the pumpkin spice at home.