I originally wrote this piece on Father’s Day weekend, it took me that long to post. I’m trying to get better, so be patient with me. But posting it on the last day of June still counts.
June is considered Pride Month and for most of us it’s also when we celebrate the Father figures in our lives. In my household you can’t celebrate one without celebrating the other. You see the men in my life who happen to be my father figures are married…to each other…because they’re GAY.
You might say to yourself “you can easily celebrate one without the other ”. You can but why would I want to? June also happens to be their Anniversary month-so here’s to 32 more years!
Plus, it also doesn’t fit in with the way that I’m trying to parent my child. My son learned very early in his young life that the man he adores (Tan); my guncle, and considers his best friend is married to his Abuelo (Papa)-my uncle. I didn’t hide it from him or create some weird story about them being “roommates” like they did me when I was a child.
My son understands that falling in love is a natural state of being human, so why would falling in love with the same gender deserve a whispered explanation or asterisk? You fall in love with who you fall in love with and that’s that. What does require an explanation is the bigotry and hate that some people feel towards people that are different from them. We call them bullies.
However, we did have to have a talk with him explaining why he couldn’t marry Billie Jean King- she already has a wife. His response was “Cool, but I want to have a wife.” My response: “Cool, whatever works for you.”
Why am I sharing, because recently in the US many individuals are at war with an entire community who are Proud of who they are, and anything related to the concept of the other. Whether that means loving who you love or where you come from. Apparently rainbows too, wow how angry do you have to be to hate on rainbows? It saddens me to see many spitting out hate against those that they simply do not understand or are scared of(?) This last one made me cringe because how can you be scared of people minding their own business and just living their authentic life?
Why hate what you don’t know? Why give so much energy to something that has nothing to do with you? Why not use that energy loving on those that are your business. Or shit, sit your ass down to decipher the reason for the hate. Whose fear have you been taught, whose lies are you believing and why? Spend energy on that instead of whatever the heck you’re out there doing at your local Target. Just open up a can of Bud Light and think for a minute or two.
“Oh but Mónica our kids…” Your kids what? Your kids get it. Trust me it’s a bigger thing for you than it is to them. Your kids adapt, learn, and move on. But when you are in their face telling them they should be afraid of something they will be afraid of that one thing. Anything to please the adults in their life. If you want to raise your kids in a bubble then do it, but don’t do it at the expense of my child. Your fear is not my fear, we celebrate our differences over here. We don’t fear them.
Today, I’m going to focus on the men in my life that stepped up when others took a step back. My uncle was there from day one, he visited my mother from New York in the 1980’s. It was supposed to be a quick visit, but when he came he realized that 1) my mother was pregnant, 2) her drinking had escalated, and 3) she was on her own. He stayed, he was worried for her and me. Since then he has been a big part of my life. He’s my godfather, my uncle, and my son’s Papa (Abuelo).
My guncle came into my life when I was 10, it was not love at first sight. I was jealous, who was this guy butting in on my quality time with my Tio. Why was he around so much? Didn’t he have a girlfriend? Oh yea, I was very naïve as I didn’t know that they were a couple and I was the one butting in on their time. I also didn’t realize then how close I was going to become with him and his family. His family became my family, especially his father. He became my Abuelo and it hurt like hell when I watched him take his last breath. Which was the opposite of what I felt when my mother’s father died-nothing. He lived in a different country, we’d only seen each other a couple of times and we weren’t really interested in each other.
My Guncle, my son’s Tan (we still don’t know what this means or the why behind it), was person number two to find out I was pregnant. He was supportive from the start, when I decided to do it on my own. He cried the minute my son was born, he cried when I asked him to be my son’s Godfather, and he cried when my son referred to him as his Dad for the first time. Which also almost gave him a stroke because he wasn’t sure if this was okay. It was. It is.
These men are not replacements, there was nobody there to replace. They are standing in and taking up space where there was a need for someone to do so. Which is why I correct folks when they say “Happy Father’s Day!” For being both Mother and Father for my kid. I get the intention behind it, but honestly being a mother is a hard enough job, I don’t need additional titles. Also, as a Mother my job is to ensure that my son has the proper male figures in his life and that’s what I’ve done. With his Tan, my brothers, his cousin’s and his “Tio’s”.
So, this June I Proudly say Thank you to my favorite Guncle’s. Thank you for being the Father’s we needed and for your continued support even though we drive you un poquito loco. Gracias por todo Tan y Papa..
If you haven’t already please donate to a wonderful LGBTQIA organizations or Father Support Organizations, don’t know of any here are a few of my favorites: Somos Familia, TransLatin@ Coalition, Brown Boi Project, National Compadres Network, Project Fatherhood
Voz y Vida™ 