Last month (May to be exact or today as I’m writing this on the actual day), I turned 43. I no longer believe when people say I don’t look my age-because I do. These last couple of months have aged me. Am I being dramatic? Possibly. But my knees would argue with you if they weren’t covered up in kinetic bandages. By the way, my knees are loving whatever witchery these bandages have. My knees are in heaven right now.
But let’s get back on track, many things have happened since we last chatted. It’s been a while, but I’m here…still alive, still raising hell, still drinking wine, and stumbling through motherhood. I’m just not reading as much as I use to.
So, yes it was my birthday and things didn’t go as planned. No spa day for me. Had a sick child at home, the guilt and exhaustion of caring for a sick offspring prevented me from getting my Korean- body-scrub on. However, I still decided to make it a good day: got me a Mani/Pedi (went deluxe since it was a special occasion), picked up my favorite vegetarian Chinese food, and opened a bottle of wine to accompany it.
If this year has taught me anything, it is that no matter what, you look for the good. You make the best of what you have NOW. You simply have to, we can no longer waste time waiting for that special occasion or right timing. Life can be gone in a blink of an eye.
What I’m saying is: dress up simply because you want to look cute, do your hair just to grab a latte, plan that vacation you’ve been dreaming of (if you have the means of course-be responsible! YOLO -don’t pay the bills). Don’t wait. If you can do it now, then do it now. If you can’t, work on making it happen or adjust accordingly. Treat yo-SELF! Don’t wait for others to celebrate you, YOU celebrate YOU!
This year, has been an overwhelming one for me. There’s been a lot happening, some good and some were a struggle. I don’t want to say bad, because they weren’t they were just lessons wrapped up in different looking paper. We had illness, death, and sadness hit us back to back. I was required to step in as caretaker, mother, and sister. This was all happening while work was ramping up.
During this time I got to experience kindness and witness community, there were some that showed their ugliness. But we just took note, and moved on. We focused on the good. We had to focus on the good.
So, I’m here to share my good.
We didn’t get to go to New Mexico for spring break, but ended up going to New York to be with family as we mourned a loss of a loved one. I hate the reason for going, but I’m glad I went. I got to spend time with my sisters, I got to spend time with my nephews. I was of service for whatever was needed, and that in itself made me feel good.
I was present with my family without having to worry about work. I witnessed my mother’s joy at having her daughters together. My son got to splash in as many puddles as he wanted. I got to mourn, laugh, dance, and cry with my sisters. I got to see the beauty of a community rally together to support my sister and family as they grieved.
This trip changed me, I don’t think I’ve been the same since I’ve come back. I can’t really pinpoint what exactly has changed, but I feel different. I think different. The “what” of the change will reveal itself when the time is right.
This year, I’ve traveled a lot and I didn’t take the luggage out on NYE (IYKYK). I’ve been to Sacramento quite a bit, with a few more trips scheduled. I also just got back from a recent trip to DC for a conference. It was my first time, and I couldn’t believe I was there. I got to see the sights, missed the museums, but saw the monuments and spent time with my niece.
I’ve mentioned New York, already. I have a few more trips planned for both work and play. Including a trip to Santa Barbara with my bestie. But honestly, the work trips feel like play because I’m doing what I love.
My siblings and I have started being more present in each other’s lives. It was death that brought us closer, but hopefully the shortness of life will keep us connected.
Here’s a BIG one, I’ve come to the realization that I don’t have to care for my parent alone. I have two brothers nearby who can help. I’ve realized that they didn’t help, because they didn’t know when help was needed. I can’t be a mom and a caretaker/daughter at the same time, I need help in order to stay sane and this way everyone gets what they need. So, I’ve been leaning on them a little more and asking for help when I need it. This might not seem big, but it is. I’m a Taurus-it’s hard for me to ask for help.
Since, we last spoke…I’ve been promoted, gotten a raise, and helped my mother buy a new car.
My son is thriving, back on Dinosaurs, and just enjoying being a kid. That in itself is a blessing.
Since, we last spoke I’ve come to the realization that I have issues with my body image and weight. You might be wondering where the good is in that. Well, it’s in the fact that I came to the realization and I’ve decided that I have to work on it. But in a way that feels right to ME. No more excessive calorie counting, restrictions, scale jumping, or excessive weight loss challenges were they make me hate the fat away while doing everything I previously mentioned. It’s a work in progress, and more is coming on this topic. But not right now. For now just know that my focus is on being healthy and feeling good at whatever weight, shape and size feels good to me and is sustainable for ME.
Focusing on the good, there’s just no other way to go. This has been my good. I’m holding on to it, to the memories, the realizations, and the lessons no matter how tough they are.
It’s the only way we can survive this world. There’s chaos all around me, we’ve had more mass shootings, white vigilantes killing people just for expressing their hunger and frustration, idiot legislators coming for gays, trans, and female rights. Banning books, drag queens, and the word gay. Raging war on Disney, immigrants, and the word “Woke”.
My birth-DAY might have looked differently this year, but I was still celebrated and loved. Plus, I made sure I treated myself too. Different can sometimes be good too, it simply requires a change in perspective.
We must focus on the good.
We must focus on the good, to achieve the good we desperately need.
We must focus on the good, to keep on going.
On this day…this week, that I celebrate my birthday…I’m deciding to focus on the good.
I have grays, but I have a great hairstylist that helps make them dissapear.
I have more facial hair than I’d like to admit, but I have my person who takes care of me and lies to me on occasion when she’s threading my chin by telling me “they are getting lighter and thinner”. With menopause around the corner I doubt that’s happening. But I take the good, smile, and I believe.
My knees are struggling and weak, but my physical therapist says we will get them back in shape. I believe because I don’t like the alternative.
I focus on the good.
I believe in the good.
I am the good.
I’m good.
Good for me.
Good for us.
We are good.
Voz y Vida™ 