I can’t believe this is still a thing, why haven’t we stopped doing this already?
Hey everyone, I really wanted to get back to posting about my mamihood adventures, but I did not think this particular topic was going to be the one that got me back. It just got my blood boiling, so I must.
Can y’all explain to me why we are still mami and parent-shaming? With everything going on in the world, why are we still doing this? This, along with racism, homophobic, hummers and smoking, just seem so outdated to me? Shaming, really? Why are we still doing this to each other? In a time when parents need to come together to bring about change (these gun laws are not going to reform themselves), we are still being hateful and bringing other mothers and parents down?
I’ll explain. Two instances to be exact. None have anything to do with me other than just pissing me off.
The first, the one that might be on most people’s radar because of the celebrations that recently took place across the pond. Apparently Prince Louis was acting up at an event, in many of the clips you see Princess Kate trying to settle his butt down and he’s just not having it. People lost their shit. Louis is 4. He’s probably been at so many events, he’s overwhelmed, overstimulated, and just about ready for a nap.
Before I continue, let’s get this out of the way: I’m not a Royal Family fan girl. I had to look up the names to make sure I was getting them right. Although, to be honest after this week I might be a Louis fan.
As you can imagine, people started coming out of the woodwork giving their opinions, judging, and trying to call Kate out. A lot of mothers, especially, mothers: “I wish my kid would…my kid never did that, that just goes to show poor parenting” and my personal favorites “ That’s how you know that kid is going to grow up to be a spoiled brat…” followed with “Kate probably doesn’t know what she’s doing because her nanny must take care of them…”
Really? You had a five second glimpse into someone’s life and now you know that child’s future and the level of involvement that parent must have in their life? It’s easy to “my child would never…” when in fact it isn’t your child. Do we know for a fact that child was getting away with that behavior? We didn’t follow them home, we don’t know what Kate was saying under her breath. You can tell she’s trying to keep her cool. If she’s anything like me, it was along the lines of: “esperate a que lleguemos a la casa”. But I’m sure that with all those cameras in Kate’s business, along with many of these mother’s noses, she wasn’t able to act or correct the behavior accordingly. She was trying, she was flustered, and we are apparently not having it. Because we have it all figured out.
We all know kids act up in public, I personally think they feel damn ballsy and have this misguided idea that we will not correct their behavior in public. Evil geniuses. Some of us might, other’s might not. No matter what though, there’s always someone there with an opinion. Can you imagine the headlines if Kate would have grabbed that little boy by the arm and walked him out? Or attempted to correct the behavior in some way? Aside from people’s foolishness getting me a bit riled up, I’m not invested. I’m not loosing sleep over it. I just can’t stand shaming. All I saw, was a glimpse of a mom trying to keep her shit together as her kid is acting up, and to be honest, like a four year old in public. The only different is that she just happens to be a Royal. I’m sure she’s scrutinized enough by the Queen, the public, the media, and now must we mothers add our names to the list?
Do you need that much validation in your parenting that you feel so comfortable in calling someone else out on theirs? We don’t know anything about their parenting, their home, or even their kids so why are we speaking as if we do? Plus, y’all seasoned parenting pro’s that apparently have it all together should focus on supporting other parents, calling in not calling out.
Here’s my takeaway on this: I honestly believe the people that were so quick to call this out, are projecting. Did this behavior shatter the perfect image you had of the Royal Family? Are their kids not able to act like normal kids because they are royalty? Not able to have an off day? Are the parents supposed to have it all under control because of who they are? Even though we know, that tiny humans don’t give a damn about titles.
Give it a rest with the shaming.
Here’s the other scenario that upset me, only because here the person that called or decided to get in someone’s business took resources away from another case whose life was actually in danger. I follow this vlog on Facebook “Fathering Autism”. It’s a vlog, which means instead of the standard blog like mine, they do everything via video. I’ve never met this family, they are in Florida somewhere, so the odds of us ever connecting are pretty slim. I follow because I really appreciate the family dynamic, especially the relationship of Abby (17 year old, autistic daughter) and her Father. I’m also learning so much about Autism, I watch when I can.
In one Vlog, the father was pretty upset because a viewer called Child Protective Services (CPS) on them because of a video that was posted. The anonymous caller, stated that they had put their autistic child in danger by leaving her alone in the pool, as she was sitting on a floating deck. This person said she was left alone in the pool, mind you this person was most likely a viewer, that means that they saw Abby “alone” in the pool on their screen. Let me ask you, how do you all think they saw this? How do you all think we all saw Abby floating in the pool, apparently alone? Maybe because her dad was recording her? Which leads me to believe she wasn’t alone, right? There is an instance, where the dad goes inside to grab something, but eyes are always on her. I know because we see it, we can see the dad going inside and Abby floating outside. That means someone has their eyes on the kid at every turn.
Like what did the viewer think? That they were the only one that saw this? I don’t know, maybe we should give the dad more credit because he is making the viewers feel as if they are actually there. True cinema. Ridiculous.
Unfortunately, this is not the first time this has happened to them. Someone sees something and calls CPS, all have led nowhere. Here’s my thing, when the dad shared what had just happened, he was pretty upset not that it happened (although, I’m sure he was a bit pissed about that) but because the case worker had another case to go to, one that was a lot more dire than the made up one she had been called to investigate. They have to show up, that’s a given. You can’t ignore a call. But this other child’s life could be in danger, and this case worker has to focus on this case. Which was not a case, but a waste of time. Abby was in school, so she had to wait for her to get home, see her, go over the videos, then there’s the paperwork. All time and energy that could have gone to an actual case where a child’s life is in danger.
I just don’t understand why people do this? Why do we not think before we act or give our unnecessary opinion. Why do we feel the need to share unsolicited advice? Why criticize? What benefit do you get from it?
I remember before I had kids, I was probably a shamer. Thinking I would never do this or that, but now as a parent, I’m eating all those words. I no longer shame anyone, when I see parents struggling I sent a silent prayer there way because I get it. I give them a “it’s cool, you got this” smile if our eyes meet. I’m also that mom that will help you run after your kid, if they got a head start , those tiny humans are fast. I’m also that mom that will cheer for your kid at events, we don’t know each other but this is a big accomplishment let’s celebrate it together. I do it because other moms have done it for me. Cheering for my kiddo when he makes honor roll, even if their kid didn’t, but they know my kid because our kids our classmates-they cheer like it’s their kid up there. That alone is worth gold to me. Needless to say how it makes the kids feel.
Honestly, in a time when there’s so much going on in the world this is completely unnecessary and wasted energy. Parents are trying to keep their shit together. Aside from COVID, we have wars going on, violence, hate, poverty, climate change, and what other personal drama parents have (because we are human too), we don’t need to add any more pressure. We need to support one another, if our kids are ever going to make it in this world we need to help uplift one another. We don’t need to put others down to make ourselves feel better.
Let’s protect our children, yes, say something if you see shady behavior. But when we really have no business getting involved, let’s not get involved. When all we got is an opinion, let’s think about the impact it will have, will it help the situation, will it provide some type of relief to the people involved, or do I just want to be right? Really consider the impact of your words, not the intention, the impact.
All of this to say, let’s just stop shaming parents. I know you feel the need to share your opinions, but maybe write it down in a journal, or a book. Be the next Dr. Spock; although…maybe just stop. Let’s uplift, let’s come together as a village not a judge. Remember when a parent feels supported, they become better parents. So, criticizing is actually doing more harm than good to the very child you are trying to “co-parent” via social media.