Hello beautiful people, sorry about yesterday but this chick needed a day off. For some reason I was extremely tired both physically and emotionally yesterday. I think it had to do with a conversation that I had earlier that evening. No need to get the shot-gun (nice of you though), it was more like exhaustion from talking about all the things that went wrong this year (or at least in my head they did). I think I need to change my tune, the band is getting tired and bored of playing the same sad song. So I had to make my peace with that, I was mourning the victim in me.
Helen Keller said it best:
Self-pity is our worst enemy and if we yield to it we can never do anything good in the world.
I’ve already mentioned how I’m working on my healing, I believe it was Day 4 when I mentioned the few steps I would be taking to a better and healthier me, but just to recap:
Well, as part of this “let’s get healthy” plan of mine. I’m including: juicing (thanks to my mom), meditation, yoga, and meal planning.
For more check out: Day 4
I also just realized that I forgot to mention that I’m going off wheat! I wouldn’t really say a Gluten Free diet, because I found out that some stuff might say Gluten Free but might still contain some wheat byproducts. Weird, I know. I just have to really, really read labels now more than ever. The same Nurse Practitioner that recommended Acupuncture recommended I get off wheat too. Wheat causes joint pain and increases arthritis pain, can cause diabetes, and high blood pressure, amongst other things.
I’ll keep it real, I’m not 100% off. Because Wheat is in everything, I mean everything. But I’m 95% off of Wheat, not too shabby if I do say so myself.
My NP recommended a book “Wheat Belly” by Cardiologist William Davis, so far so good. It’s an interesting read, talks about how wheat is no longer the wheat of the good old days. Yes, folks wheat too has also been modified and is no longer 100% healthy for you. Yes, they are worst things out there for your health, but I’m on a mission. My great-great Grandmother lived to be 110 (her name Monica-yup family name), and my grandmother out lived two cancers (her name Virginia-yup my other name).
Because I carry the name of two amazing and strong women in my family I feel the need to continue the legacy of being just that-a strong woman.
But it’s not just about health.
Warning: If you are not a person of faith, you might want to skip this day.
Okay, now that a few individuals have left the room, I will continue. I am a person of faith, I’m not a “bible hugging-honk if you love Jesus” type though. I don’t identify as a Catholic, Protestant, or any other organized religion. I consider myself spiritual. What is the difference? I’ll give you my personal version. To me this means that I do believe in a higher being, but I do not see this higher power in the same way that the church (I was raised Catholic) wants me to. I do not fear this Being, I do not believe it to be spiteful, or jealous, or vengeful. The way I see it those are all human traits, so how in the world are you going to give something that isn’t human a human trait?
I don’t believe that you will be thrown into hell if you don’t behave a certain way. I don’t think that homosexuality or sex are a sin. I don’t believe there’s a certain way to speak to your Higher-Self, I don’t believe that death is the end, I don’t believe you have to go to a church or synagogue to have a direct conversation with God. I don’t think that priests, reverends, etc. are holy beings. They are men and women of flesh just like you and me, don’t expect them to be perfect if you can’t be. Don’t put them in a pedestal and expect them to do no wrong, because honey you will be in for a rude awakening.
I do believe: that we were all created in the image and likeness of God, I do believe in unconditional love, I do believe I’m a spiritual being having a human experience. I believe in the law of attraction, I do believe in the power of prayer, meditation, and vision. I do believe that I am a child of God, I do believe that I was brought into this world with a purpose. I do believe that we are all unique beings. I believe that even with my imperfections I am still perfect in the eyes of God!
I study: all the holy texts: Bible, Qur’an, Buddhist Scripture and texts, and even some modern day gurus: Michael Bernard Beckwith, Wayne Dyer, Sylvia Boorstein. If it will help me spiritually I’m reading it.
Although I’m in constant contact with God or JC (as I tend to call him at times-we are that tight folks! I also use the following terms: her, Universe, creator, father-mother-God, you pick), when I do feel the need for that spiritual push I attend my spiritual center Agape. This center was founded by the ‘guy in the dreads’ in the movie “The Secret”, Rev. Michael Bernard Beckwith. I’ve been attending it for almost 7 years and I love it. Luckily for me they have live streaming, so I get to still attend via the internet.
Fun Fact: I remember when the Rev. mentioned that they were now going to live stream the services on the internet, I thought it was a bit much and a bit off. I didn’t get it. The funny thing is that a year and a half later, the only way I would be able to stay connected to my Agape community would be through Live Stream; hence, I transferred to Berkeley for school. I’m telling you, it’s amazing how the Universe works.
Since, this Summer I’ve been hit with quite a few things that made me wither in faith and just threw me off balance. But the crazy thing is I knew that at the end of the day God had everything under control. Even though I knew this I still wanted to feel sorry for myself and wallow in my shame and guilt. Luckily for me, JC does not give up on me as easily as I do on him. But that’s not the best thing here, the best thing is that there’s always a RESET bottom when it comes to you and your Higher Being. You can start all over, as if nothing happened.
I heard about the Reset bottom today during service and it really hit home. I’ll explain why. Have you ever felt so guilty or shame for something that you feel as if you don’t deserve any of the good that comes your way? Well, I did. I couldn’t even pray because I felt as if the Universe was looking at me like “Are you kidding me?” When in reality it looks at me through eyes of love and understanding.
I pressed the RESET bottom a few weeks ago. When I decided to get my zen back through prayer and meditation. It’s not easy, but I learned that I apparently don’t do easy.
Heck I’m not even easy! Sorry guys, keep it moving!
I’m also working on forgiveness, I don’t need to forgive anyone other than myself. I need to realize that things happen for a reason, cliche? I know, but I believe it to be true. We don’t understand why certain things happen at certain times in our lives, but the fact is that something is meant to be learned or it kept you from danger or a bad decision.
The hard ones come when you think you are doing everything right. You’re living by the book. I mean damn I don’t even J-walk! Bam, shit happens! The way I see it or shall I say what I have convinced myself of is that these things happen to help you realize that you still have a lot of growing to do, you are still capable of making the wrong decisions.
We think we have it all figured out so we get lazy and not try as hard. We are kind, but are selective with who we practice our kindness with. We love but conditionally. We are nice, but maybe not genuinely. Or the worse crime of all: treating others better than you treat yourselves.
“What do you mean?” Let me explain. We may be the best human being in the world: best friend, best son/daughter, spouse, parent, employee, etc. However, when it comes to self love, we suck! I mean really suck! We are not kind to ourselves, we are not compassionate with ourselves, we are not as forgiving of ourselves as we would be with others. We give people the best advise, but when it comes to practicing what we preach we come short in some if not all levels.
Does this sound like you? It sure sounds like me. I’m working on forgiving myself, made a wrong decision and I payed the price highly for it. But I know a lesson will come from it. I have to believe that at the end of the day I will come out stronger, wiser, and taller (an inch or two would be nice) from all of this.
So I’m choosing to get over the pity party for one and get on with living! Get on with enjoying the people, the experiences, the lessons, and everything around me.
I’ve come to realize that the more I dwell on that one thing, the more I will be missing out on many things. If you close yourself off because of the negative in your life, how are you going to be open to the blessings coming your way?
There’s a saying that my grandmother use to say: “No hay mal que por bien no venga” which translates to “every cloud has a silver lining.” It’s hard to see things when we are in the thick of it, but its true.
I’m not expecting for the sun to shine brighter, or for the birds to start chirping a special tune like they do in the Fairy Tales. But I am expecting to feel better, be healthier, wiser, stronger, and darn it kinder to my damn SELF!
Oh no, what if I flake out or wither from time to time? That’s okay, I’m human. It doesn’t matter how you fall, what matters is that you get back up after you fall. Plus, I have you to keep me accountable. Now, don’t tell me you were expecting this relationship to be one-sided. It’s a two-way street here dear!
I’m not waiting for 2014 to change my attitude. Honey, 2014 is going to find me a changed woman.
Getting off my soap box now!