This Christmas wasn’t all that Merry this year. This is a first, even when my home was hit with COVID back in 2020 it wasn’t this…heavy? I think it’s just hard when there’s a genocide unfolding, and there’s so much hate in the world. Even the Catholic church in Bethlehem said there would be no celebration this year because of what’s happening in Gaza, there was a mass but no lights, no festivals, no tree, there’s not much to celebrate when bombs are flying overhead. Then there’s the fact that in the US, many of us are bracing ourselves for #47 and the shit show that will follow. He’s not even in power yet and he and his clowns are already doing damage. God help us! Then here at home, getting hit by what felt like the plague, sick elders, and a kid that seems to have a revolving door for whatever virus is trending-all make for a not so Merry Christmas.
However, as we always do we rallied and made it special-mostly for my kiddo! No cards were sent out, no cookies were baked, gifts ordered late (still not here), and the tree was bought the week before. We were together so we were good, we rallied…initially for him, but it was also for all of us.
Anyways, here’s something I wrote after the election results were posted. This is where I’m at right now, which is why during this holiday break I’m completely disconnecting from work. I’m resting, catching up on cleaning, reading, and writing-of course. I’m working on my intentions and planning for 2025. After this hectic year, I’m realizing I need to plan my 2025. I need to schedule and block out: moments of self-care (whatever that looks like), writing, joy, spending time with friends and family, meals (this I need to really work on), and rest. I’m doing it now, because I’m on break, not rushed, and most importantly not overwhelmed with everything I need to do and haven’t done. More on that later… for now, I leave you with a post that has been itching to be read, as always thank you for reading!
Hey everyone, I know it’s been a minute…let’s just say that the “F” in LIFE has been hitting me hard. There’s been some travel for work, elders getting sick, children being children, and we can’t forget the heaviness that comes with all of this. Right when we think we have it all together, right when we think our spirit and mental health are where they should be (for now), we are hit with the hard truth that our country is in it for themselves. We’ve granted a clown another term in the White House, and that brings you down to your knees
What do we choose, chaos or community?
This morning I woke up confused, I had the weirdest dream: I had lost my purse and I couldn’t find it. I would look everywhere, sit down and have lunch with my friends, then remember I had a missing purse. I would start frantically looking for it, then do something else with or for someone else, until I remembered about my purse. I remember saying “My bank card, they are going to use all of my money…” I would go back to places I had been, once there I seemed to forget why I was there, until I remembered and started the whole frantic search again.
I don’t know about you, but I’m someone that believes in dreams. So, of course I looked it up. There’s many interpretations but the one thread that remained the same amongst all of them was “loss of self-identity and control” This makes perfect sense, because professionally everything that we had planned on doing is changing. How we advocate and what we support is taking on a new direction. Then there’s the fact that what we plan today may not work at all because it might be worse. The unknown of: will he do everything he said he wanted to do? How much will he actually get away with? How much evil or lawlessness will his supporters think they can get away with? It’s a lot to take in.
Personally, it’s a whole different ball game. Is my family, my community at risk or in danger? What do you say to the people reaching out asking questions you yourself are having trouble answering? You want to be positive, but the most you can say is ‘you’re not alone’. What does it mean for your goals of purchasing a home? Should I just wait it out? Will it ever get better? My school loans? Will I ever own a car again?
However, as many of you – I can’t help but feel broken. My heart is broken into tiny little pieces. “Mami you look as if you’ve been depressed for four years” was what my son said to me the day after election day. I had spent all day in my pj’s, didn’t eat, was running on coffee and little sleep. I just couldn’t believe the outcome, how could we do this again? How could more of my own people vote for him? How could they face their community knowing that they voted for cheaper gas and eggs, and not for their safety and wellbeing. What about this man seemed appealing to them? That he was a man? That he was white? Racism and machismo are a lethal combination. I hope they are ready for the outcome, because if they believe they are safe then that means they forgot to read the fine print. They didn’t really look into his agenda, they turned away when he spoke ill of our people and our communities. They’re not even in the same tax bracket as this man or the people he actually cares for so these voters are going to have a rude awakening.
What do we choose, chaos or community?
I was sad for that entire week. I was hurt. I couldn’t see past my pain. Then came the weekend, and along with it anger. I was sooooooo angry. I was triggered by a 3rd grader hurting my kiddo’s feelings. Two things happened while I was comforting my kiddo: 1) Remembered the arguments I had with my momma when she told me certains friends were trouble. Of course, she didn’t get it. Of course, she turned out to be right! 2) I realized I was angry at bullies taking away our joy. I was not going to let that happen.
That weekend was all about joy. I treated myself to a Deluxe Pedicure, I had been meaning to get one for months. Treated myself to my favorite Chinese vegetarian place, went to church, then we went out and saw “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever” . If you’ve been with me for a while, you know that Christmas brings me joy. From the lights to the music, to the baking, to the card sending, to the movies. The fact that my kiddo is a Christmas junkie like his momma, is the cherry on top!
I needed someone to remind me that no matter how bad it gets, there’s always some good out there. What better story than one of immigrant parents looking for a better opportunity for their unborn child to remind me of this?
Then there was the confirmation: At a conference the week after the election, a panelist mentioned MLK’s Book “Where Do We Go from Here: Chaos or Community? Where he analyzes the state of American race relations and the movement after a decade of U.S. civil rights struggles. The title alone hit me hard; however, what she implied hit me stronger. My takeaway was: We’ve been here before, we fought hard for the little we have, but when things seemed okay, we backed down. Now we know we have to step up, but what will we choose: fear or strength, individual vs. community, chaos or community?
As King said at a luncheon in his honor:
“Everyone is worrying about the long hot summer with its threat of riots. We had a long cold winter when little was done about the conditions that create riots”
We thought we wouldn’t be here again, we thought there was no way in hell that people would vote for a criminal that is only in it for himself. We thought we had learned our lesson. Obviously, we didn’t. We continued to ignore the working class, we continued to ignore the fake righteousness of the right, and the fake progressiveness on the left. We ignored those calling an end to a genocide. We ignored the humanity of our unhoused, of our undocumented, of our mentally unstable, of our girls and women, we choose to ignore the toxicity of masculinity and the hate towards the other. We ignored our children and teachers dying in classrooms, we accepted their thoughts and prayers instead of gun reform. We hype of billionaires and victimize activists. We made this our normal, we embraced the chaos of it all.
I’m done with that, I choose COMMUNITY. If I’m going to thrive the next four years, I need community. Oh yes baby, I’m not planning on merely surviving, my biggest payback will be to thrive and take up space in the name of my community and every single member of the “Other” tribe! I’m taking up all the space! I’m choosing to work on my spiritual, physical, and mental health so I can be in top shape for my family and community. I’m seeking joy and allowing myself to be fully engulfed in it. No more trying to fit it in, now I’m making it a priority.
I’m choosing my community and will work hard at avoiding the chaos. I’m tired of being resilient, many of us are. However, now baby I’m going to be resilient out of spite! I’m going to smile, shine, and be a LOUD PROUD LATINA! I will be loud when calling out any injustice. I will be proud of who and where I came from. I will remind others of how beautiful and full of magic they are too. I will be that obnoxious person looking for the silver lining in everything…every-damn-thing! I am not going to let anyone take my shine, ruin my day, it will not be hard but I did not sign up to live a life of chaos and fear. I signed up for joy and abundance, and so I will be. And I’m bringing everyone with me!
It’s not easy, but I’ve been here before…we’ve been here before.
I will say yes to the good trouble, and ignore the hate. It’s not going to be easy…it never is. That’s why I’m going to make sure I’m good by ensuring I have the right people around me, resources available, top shape mentally, physically, and spiritually. More importantly I will allow myself some grace for when this is still not enough and need to shutdown to recharge.
I leave you with this…nothing else needs to be said at this point, just listen to this and sit with it.
Voz y Vida™ 